So You’re Going to be a Single Mom...Now What?
Life is hard. Let’s not beat around the bush about it. Life was easy when you were a kid, you relied on your parents to feed you, pay for things, clothe you, and overall make life as simple as possible. Then you get older, and you’re expected to do these things for yourself. And at first you’re excited right? You can make your own choices for a change. You feel like eating ice cream for dinner? Screw it, do it! You’re an adult! You want to stay up until 2am drinking green apple schnapps with work friends because that’s all you can afford, and, you know, yolo right? Screw it! YOLO!
But then what they don’t tell you is you also have to deal with the consequence of your actions. Like realizing eating ice cream was great for your 16 year old metabolism, but maybe not so much so for your mid-20s. And that maybe, just maybe, drinking into the wee hours of the morning the night before you’re supposed to be meeting your serious boyfriend's family isn’t the best of ideas when you’re hungover and trying to hold back your puke from the dinner table when fish is what’s for dinner…. Too real for you? Welcome to my blog.
Now take all of that and then add another human into the mix. One who’s entire life will rely on you not making as much of a hot mess outta your own long enough for you both to survive in this circus of a world called life. And, if you’re lucky enough to get a partner who helps you in all of that, you’re already doing good! But, if that’s the case, then maybe this blog isn’t for you… or maybe it is. Maybe it’ll give you some laughs and remind you of how good you have it. Because me? I’m the one who didn’t do it that way. I’m the one who did it, let’s say, a different way.
Hello! Single mom here! Nice to meetcha! Now for those who know me, and those who don’t, and for those select few who really know me, you will know that I absolutely love my son. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. And for those single moms who are veterans will agree, and those new single moms… well, hang in there.
It’s usually safe to say if you’re a single mom, you didn’t plan it that way. Some do. Some do the whole single mom thing intentionally and to those people I tip my hat. You guys are the real MVPs. But for the rest of us, those who saw those little lines, or words, or whatever they put on tests these days to let you know you’re life is about to flip upside down, we did NOT plan this. I mean we all hear the same thing right? The whole “well you know what causes that don’t you?” comment. YES! YES we do. But that doesn’t make it any less of a shock, especially for those of us who were doing things to prevent it( i.e, using contraceptives).
I still remember the fear and ‘oh shit’ thought that passed through my whole body when I found out. It’s quite the shock. The other shock is when you realize you’re going to be doing it alone. Now, I won’t get into the crazy details of how I became a single mom or why or any of that, because, quite frankly, that doesn’t matter, because for each. of us, the result was the same. If you’re lucky, the dad is still involved, if you’re not, I get that too. But it still hard either way. The best advice I ever received was to own it. OWN THAT SHIT! Yes, you are having a baby. Yes, you’ll be doing it on your own. Yes, it wasn’t planned. But you’re in it now. And you’ve decided to have this baby.
The sooner you do that, the sooner you can start to rely on your own strength, build up that courage. To be able to look people in the eye when they see you standing on your own two feet and know that you’re not ashamed. And even if you are, that's ok, but there is power in not allowing others to make you feel that way. If you’re ashamed or feel guilty, because there will be times where you will feel that way or others will make you feel that way, you’ve got to look at yourself in the mirror and start listing things you don’t feel ashamed of. Maybe it’s your hair, or your job, or your intellect, or the fact that you can take a Pintrest diy and make it your bitch. Or maybe it’s your shoe collection or the fact that guys think your hot. Whatever that thing is, take a whiteboard marker and write to down on your mirror. So every day when you wake up and look in the mirror feeling like a bloated whale, or that you're ugly, or that you’re alone and making a terrible mistake, or someone slut shames you. Look at those words. I had a quote written on my mirror that said,
“ She is beauty, she is grace, and she is fearfully and wonderfully made.”
That saying became my montra and I would say it over and over to myself until I believed it. Trust me, you’ll still have days that are hard, that’s life, but you don’t have to have it be who and what you are. The struggle doesn’t define you, it makes you stronger so that you can pass that strength to your child.
As someone who is going through this process now and will continually, it’s hard. It’s hard being a parent anyways. It’s hard being a human for that matter. But to be a parent, a mom, and do it essentially on my own, that’s the hardest part. And often times I felt so alone and wondered if anyone understood me or knew my perspective of things. I’d hear married couples talk about their issues with their kids and I’d be like, well at least you have a team member in that. It’s going to be hard.
That’s what this blog is about. It’s about being real, and raw, and open about what it’s like to be a single mom, but also about having fun and coming together and laughing about our funny and, sometimes awkward, experiences with life. Every week I’ll post up about a different topic and we can discuss it and laugh about it and heal from it. And if there’s something you have questions about, reach out to me! I’m not an expert, but I am a mom. We will get through this together. The key to surviving as a single mom is knowing you’re never alone.
X's & O's,